he said, "I'm getting the tickets now...when can you go?"
"erm, end of November."
"ok, so we can go to NewZealand to visit your cousins..."
(once again.)
"'we'? X**E*, Mi****le?"
"ya"
"I've told you, nevermind. So nevermind, I won't go."
"ok." and hangs up the phone.
(slams phone onto the ground)

I'm taking it, I'm just taking in all this...
I don't blame him, I blame his insensitivity...

Now, as I sit here. I cry, my heart filled with guilt, anger, fear and frustration. But that shall be forgotten, for now I have met the nicest people in my world.


Luoning. She blamed it on herself, when it was to be blamed on me. She showed me the real world, and how cruel it had been on her. How she had fallen and stood up again how she let go..

ChewFei. She understood, and she cared, so much more then I deserve. She was always there, to listen, to comfort me. Through the darkness, she led me by the hand. She showed me, and taught me to differenciate between right and wrong..

Connie. She brought joy, laughter and madness into my life. She flew with me, high up into the sky, not wanting to go back, down to Earth. She challenged me, with her sacarsm, her wit and her humour. But of course, I was nothing compared to the master of it all..

Leona. She brought me down to Earth, back to reality. Her enthusiasm, zeal moved me, motivated me. She was ever so friendly, so optimistic, so lovely in her very own way. And she took me in, placing me back onto my tracks..



I appreciate, and sincerely thankyou, but I'm sorry, for the countless times I've let you down. Yet I am forgiven, time and time again, by my best of friends...




Today's fine.
Putting up a false front, and trying not to face reality. 3 days left,I can only depend on luck. If my intuition is right, yes, I will get into triple scince. Then again, I will only skim by the borderline and barely reach the goal I've set out for.
Very soon, it will be all over. The start of a new year, another chance which I pray I wouldn't lose.


He said, "...we could go to..."
"'we' means?"
"oh, er X**E*, Mi****le, me and you."
*(To mention them would simply chafe my nerves)
"forget it then."
"why? you don't like them"

my tears were about to spill out any second..

"oh er, just forget it."
"ok , tell you where you can go alone..."

I guess he didn't mean it, but I was...hurt.



The day began with a chinese test(the composition section). Within two hours, we had to cook up a letter (either formal or informal) and a composition in which we had to choose from a list of 3 essay types. My essays were, hmm..screwed. lol. I had no idea what to write, too bad then, I still have to memorize compos anyway.

Recess, the 4 of us sitting at the back went to visit the library. We were told that by borrowing 10 books, that's school service O.O so we did =X I borrowed some 3.5 inches thick novel, and another 9 'normal' books you might call it. My holidays are really gonna be packed =X

History lesson. I tried, I tried. When it seemed I almost grasped it, it would so suddenly slip away. I can only tell myself, jiayou...

Science lesson wasn't that tragic after all, I managed to score 22/25 for the physics MCQ practice. Mrs Wong praised me for the first time,"good!" that definitely would be a light hearted moment to remember.

After school, a few of us went to do IT. Fortunately I recalled the steps to burn a DVD =)TLL, sigh. I feel terribly guilty, though it wasn't my fault. If only we had been more sensitive, more understanding. Sigh.

Luoning does get suprisingly poetic when she's in her emotional state.

Clouds have silver linings,
Do they?
There always is a chance,
Is there?
Everything has to leave,
No right?


The world is dark,
topsy-turvy.
I wish time would stop,
memories over flowing.
Slowly seeping away,
until everything is,
forgotten.


Forget my troubles, my woes. Much much easier said than done.
Goodbye.

'e ObLiT3RaToR~




Partir..Au Revoir

je pleure, pas parce que j'ai de nouveaux amis,
parce que je crains de vieux amis seront oubliés.
je pleure pas parce que je suis triste,
mais parce que je suis navré.
je pleure pas à ce monde cruel,
mais à la cruauté du destin.
je pleure pas parce que je ne veux pas partir,
son juste que je nous ai souhaité à gauche plus tôt.
je pleure aucun parce que je n'ai pas des amis,
son juste qu'ils ne me laisseront pas maintenant.
il brise mon coeur,
mais je n'ai rien à faire.
il n'y a RIEN que je peux faire,
donc je pleure.

Translated from a poem by Luo Ning




Science, Geography and Math acomplished! But dread that theres still half of history, HMP, LA and chinese... Hmm, speed testing is fun! especially with Luo XD. 3 main topics and 8 subtopics in an half an hour! Guess we switch topics real fast =X Yesterday night was disastrous.. tackling chem. and guess who won? ME! LOL, but of course, they were only words in books. >.<

back to mugging! Cya!

'e ObLiT3RaToR~




No limits, no boundaries
Your presence, all around me.
Stretch forth, break forth.
Release me, enlarge my territory.

Jesus
come

You said, if we will build it, You will come.
You said, if we will seek your face, you'll be found.
So we build unto You, a palace of praise, a throne room of worship for You.
In this place we choose to honour Your name, in everything we say and do.
Let Your glory fill this room.

Jesus come, Jesus come, come we are desperate for you.
Jesus come, Jesus come, come and fill this room.



The invisible limits, are there no more.
Moving on, the long winding road to success.
Without You, those lids of trauma, fear would not have been lifted.
Glory unto You oh Lord!




Today. Hmm, yepp HMP at 7.30 in the morning. T.T A miserable number of 8 people came. It's suprising how it could last a full 2 hours though everyone only played for about 5-10 minutes on the piano. Well Mr Lim did talk a fair bit.. After HMP, me, chew, peisan, ziyan and suyun stayed back to prac. We ended up sight reading whatever pieces that seemed familiar.. hahas. oh ya chew taught us a new song! some really cute one that used an interesting playing technique =P

Ballet. Not really that fun anw. Next week I shan't go then. must study! After ballet, I met yinghong at Famous Amos to pass her the HMP notes. SHE'S TOO NICE!! for lending me the entire 10 year series for bio! gosh! thanks loads yinghong! She FINISHED studying bio.. and i'm stuck at ecology -.- *nat needs to buck up! ALOT*

Hmm..maybe I should wake up at 5 to start mugging.. and playing the piano. (with headphones on of course!) I'm considerate =X

Some random stuff.. TODAY IN HISTORY* from MSNBC

Ten years ago: Space shuttle Atlantis left Russia’s orbiting Mir station with astronaut Shannon Lucid, who ended her six-month visit with tender goodbyes to her Russian colleagues. Ross Perot sued the bipartisan commission that voted to keep him out of the presidential debates, arguing that excluding him would deepen public cynicism and cause his campaign “incalculable damage.”

Five years ago: President Bush returned the American flag to full staff at Camp David, symbolically ending a period of national mourning. Thousands gathered at New York’s Yankee Stadium to offer prayers for the victims of terrorism; Mayor Rudolph Giuliani pledged that “our skyline will rise again.” Thirteen coal miners were killed in an explosion at the Blue Creek Mine in Brookwood, Ala.

One year ago: Hurricane Rita, down to Category 3, steamed toward refinery towns along the Texas-Louisiana coast, creating havoc even before it arrived: Levee breaks caused new flooding in New Orleans, and 23 people were killed when a bus carrying nursing-home evacuees caught fire in Texas. Embattled FDA Commissioner Lester Crawford abruptly resigned. Puerto Rican nationalist Filiberto Ojeda Rios, wanted in a 1983 robbery of a Connecticut armored truck, died during a gunbattle with FBI agents.

Thought for Today:“I saw old Autumn in the misty morn

Stand shadowless like silence, listening

To silence.”

—Thomas Hood, English author (1799-1845).

© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


basically my randomness makes me, NAT!

CYA
'e ObLiT3RaToR~




YAY! Fortunately it only lasted 5 days. She's back!

I can't believe I managed to motivate myself to study EVERYTHING all over again..in 9 days! I'm high now..wayy off the top. Connie officially became my madness councilor.. XD and.. I FOUND LEONA'S BLOG WHEE~~ fine..I cheated.. heehee.

Hmm..school wasn't that mad today.. oh wait. ya DRAMA. how could I forget?! It was FUN!! Heh. Let's highlight the main factors contributing to the fun..
1. FIRST FULL-DRESS REHERSAL. really!! for once EVERYONE was there!
2. HIGH HEELS...wakaka even STEPH was in them. Peisan too.. and me lar.. -.- it was..slipping off..so i stuffed tissue at the back XD.
3. NO SCRIPT.. though some smuggled it on stage as props..LOL. not me kae!
4. thus... WE MADE LINES UP. it was hilarious.. XD
5. LAST SCENE. I was supposed to be dying..well then chew forgot to inject me with the antidote..Till Mdm Ohelers(isit spelt like that?) told her, LOL. I nearly died laughing too.
6. the part where the MUSIC came in.. LOL. and AGAIN. I messed up the lines..so improvise lor.. then we ended up LAUGHING. right..fortunately it was only the runthrough.
7. MEL...and our usual madness manning the lights XD she was like.. "its great to be manning the lights, coz the you only need to press the switches while u see everyone else scrambling all over the place in the darkness" HAHA.
8. The kiss in the last scene was censored! WHEE!! ya lar..was too fake.. LOL. and never cover up well enough.. so what now..another intimate action? sounds VERY scary...
9. KEXIN AND QIANWEN are too blurr LOL. HAHA. I mean like we were signialing across the stage for the props to be brought upstage..but then when the lights went off..they just SAT DOWN THERE BLURBLUR. I was irritated FOR A MOMENT. then I figured it was TOO HILARIOUS to be true..LOL.
10. CIRCLE TIME. feelings..: qian said "oh er, we should minimize hand signalling ACROSS the stage" LOL.. we cant call mah..then they also so blurr one.. XD
11. NURSE.. wearing RV uniform..LOL. huang lao shi was like..(in chi lar)"hmm, are you the new exchange student here?" LOL. ya but I know con is still real mad with her..=X
12. the play..is to be EXAGERRATED TOTALLY. as mentioned by Mdm Ohelers(should be spelt like that bah)"its gonna be FUN, just be NAUGHTY with it! Thats drama.. in this case of ours" whee~~
(I missed this point out, so I shall add it..now. HAHAS. thanks so peisan mentioning about it in her blog)
13.WALKIE TALKIE!! heh.. goujun got hold of my calculator and stuck a pen into the slightest gap she could find.. it really DID look reasonably ok to be brought on stage as a walkie talkie =X

IT DOESN'T END THERE! heehee.. just that my time's up. oops. Must time fly? sigh.. I'm still high..XD.

GEOG LESSON.. the usual lameness.. hahas. ITS THE LAST GEOG LESSON BEFORE THE EOY's..*faints*

CHINESE LESSON.. suprisingly touching. =P huang lao shi showed us a video on the life story of Lena Maria from Sweden. A handicap with out arms and a stumpted leg. But yet her faith in the Lord was so strong, she overcomed all the odds. "When God is for it, who can be against it?" (I forgot where that came from.lol) basic activites...from eating, writing, driving, cooking..doesn't prove to be a challenge to her. I so admire her for her...RESILIENCE. she has a tremendous amount of that!

ok..I'm finally drained of all energy... nitez!

bleahx HMP tmrw.. CYA.

love,
'e ObLiT3RaToR~




I am frantic, at this point of time. There's only one way communication can occur. Nothing related to anything it should. Now my language doesn't even make sense. There is a difference, between how it started and how it is now. Supposing a need to make an eye connection, a constant eye connection. Look over the shoulder, and act as if there was something in between. I thought..I thought again. I'm screwed tommorow. Please, forgive me. Not with a cold shoulder, but otherwise.

.switch.

Connat. A new obssession? I guess not. We made a post examination activities list *+val and luo. The list is..overflowing, from Con's wanting to travel round Singapore to CVN's wanting to learn percussion. It's gonna be a really exceptionally enthraling holiday.. as we fascinate ourselves with unbelievablly amusing activities.

I hope Jan's alright. I lamented about the video-grapher again and told them(val+jan) of my troubles. She mentioned me being a nutritionist.. O.O No wonder GJ came up to ask me for slimming tips =X Her size is pretty amazing isn't it.. maybe you din't know, but she eats really little, guess it's her metabolism rate. That I can't help, no matter how much I try.

HMP. Right, I was sitting with val at the back, and it so happened I got the very interesting table with no makeshift 'pigeon hole' so you could chuck things under the table. As I was unknowingly putting my jacket or so trying to put it under the table, I obviously couldn't. It was hilarious.. I shan't explain. Then again, the other time when LaiWeng 'threw'(as described by Annabelle) her books under the table(without the 'underneath') the books just went 'BAM' on the ground and gave her such a fright. Fortunately I didn't see it, if not I wouldn't stop laughing.. XD

It's hard to believe Connie can get out of her mind isn't it?
Frankly speaking..I think she is already. XD 'chu qi ban'? congratz con, you're officially mad. =X Well doesn't mean I'm not. I'm just one with a blend of uncomprehensable emotions. Just remember, hate, is not amongst them.

TLL. Can get so exasperating, till you just give up. Come on, you mean shaking hands for a slightly extended period of time is called lass? Its also unbearibly unbelievable how Eugenie can just laugh non-stop with her hysterical laughter just because of that lass thing. But precisely it wasn't even one. Judith..I think she gave up too.

Home. Did maths revision paper, I think it's the one from NanQiao. I don't mean any offence, but I do think it's well...easy. 'Unforgettable' and 'Desperado' are truely beautiful songs, the singers, Hady and Jonathon relatively good too. I still need to find the music for the video.. *yawns* any suggestions? Chased to bed, as always. Nitez.

'e ObLiT3RaToR~




Am I forgiven? I'm fearful to know the answer. No matter how hard I tried, those glances I gave her seemed to reflect back to me, peircing my conscious. No matter how much more guilt and remorse my own actions make me feel, doesn't help. I feel helpless, literally. The world's just going on and on and on.. and I can't catch up.

All I ask, is that you allow me to see you eye to eye, a smile, a gesture, of reassurance.

By fate we were acquainted, it would have been great.
Beacause of those words stated, its now just too late.

Yet maybe in your time, it might not be too late. So tell me will you? Tell me just what I should do, to salvage those lost fragments, seal those gaps in our relationship. Because I can't bear, I can never bear to see you walking out just like that.

This is basically what I pressume the situation is. I pray she'd tell me I'm wrong. I'm only imagining. Just that. I'd still love her, my friend, through it all.

'e ObLiT3RaToR




I SURVIVED....24 days so far..wow..24 days.. i cant believe it..lol.

alright.. high. yes. too high. this afternoon was a GREAT. its between the
-NatingCorna* TM. XD i was thinking of alternatives rather than only that..hmm.
i shall begin with the recent poem craze, sparked off by a forum topic in the ohana forums. you can say its literatly crazy.. but i'm so glad RM likes them =).

last wednesday wasn't really that enjoyable a day..so i wrote this:

I’m not crying because she scolded me,
I’m crying because she found fault in me.
I’m not crying because she blamed me,
I’m crying because she lost faith in me.
I’m not crying because she treated me this way,
I’m crying because of the way she used to treat me.
I’m not crying because she exist,
I’m crying because I exist.

…and thus I cried.

another addition to the Kinderscenen Series. XIII- I Cried
so carrying on..

thursday, hmm. oh yes TLL vocab test. 6/10.. YJ pro-er..1/10 actually.. i was sharing answers with judith too..LOL. heehee, cheat. there were others, worst still. Open Discussion -.- the whole lesson was pretty hilarious. and as usual you'd hear melinda say, "can we play game! please!!" dotz..well out of 13 only 3 handed their hw, so 'game' was out of the question long ago..

friday(today), formation of -NatingCorna* and |YiNat| XD hmm.. PCCG, ms koh was talking about resilience. and luo claims my story is a very touching case of resilience.. O.O too bad ms koh breezed past me and i din't need to say. but really, i dont think anyone could tell if i didn't say. science was a disaster.. Kwh and wad Watts..arhhh i cant calculate!! sheesh i'm so dead. time to go. cya.

'e ObLiT3RaTor~